On repeat

     I feel like somebody has pushed the repeat button on my life. M called today to tell me that he still hasn't passed his PT test. Somehow, he got sick (REALLY sick) and so he of course wasn't up to par for today's test. The thing that is scaring me is, He told me that next week is the last possible time for him to test. If, he doesn't pass next week, they will just send him home. I really hope that he gets better and passes this darn test. 
     I'm going to be honest today's phone call was not a good one. It was full of tears and frustration for both of us. So far, I had done really good at not letting him see just how upset I was about everything but, today I just couldn't hold it all together anymore. I talked about being scared of failing, told him how very badly I just want to be done with BMT so that we can start progressing again, and mainly I told him of just how lonely all of this is. I feel bad for not being able to be stronger but, after 13 weeks of being strong and hiding all of this from him; I felt he needed to know how I was really feeling.
     My wonderful husband listened, supported and reassured me that it would really all be ok and that he would for sure be able to do it next week. Then, he laughed saying "I wondered when my real wife was going to show up." He knows me so well. He knows that I'm not normally one to be so super positive and upbeat when things aren't going my way. Normally, he is the positive one always seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm the one complaining about how long the tunnel really is. For some reason the situation has been reversed the last three months. I love him SO much, I'm still 100% supportive of him. I KNOW he can do this, I just hope it is very soon. Please please PLEASE pray for M to pass his PT test our family really needs this miracle.