Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Staring into darkness

(Fair warning this is a LONG post.)
      M called yesterday. He took another PT test and, didn't pass again. I could tell you all the possible reasons that we have for him not passing but, in the end it all comes down to one thing.... He still hasn't passed the test. I'm trying really hard to stay positive. I keep telling myself that God has a plan, and we just need to figure out what it is. I'm praying as are MANY others, that M will pass this test and, FINALLY graduate. I don't know what lies ahead but, I have faith that my Father in Heaven will guide me to where I'm supposed to be.
      I look around at this new life style that might be over before, we even have a chance to adapt to it.  The boys and I went on base yesterday to do some grocery shopping. The whole time I just kept thinking, this is supposed to be our life. It just fits us. Who knows maybe I'm just crazy and, all of those feelings are just me feeling like a proud American to be standing on a military base. Then, I come home and look at the photos of M in his uniform with his big goofy grin. He's SO happy, this new job has made him happier than any other job he's ever held. For the first time, I can pay bills, buy groceries and, still have extra money.
      I know that being military is not ideal. There are trainings, and deployments; all of which means LOTS of time apart. Yet, I still look at this life and say proudly, "YES this is what we want and this is where we belong." However, as the days continue to pass by without progress I'm starting to wonder if, the answer to my prayers is "No".  We have only a few more weeks until he's discharged for failure to be physically able to complete training. I feel like I'm staring into darkness.
      Thankfully, some light was shined into the darkness last night. At about 7:15 there was a knock at my door I figured it was just Grandma coming to chat. Instead, I opened the door to find my Bishop and, Brother F (his counselor) standing in my door way. (Brother F is retired military.) They asked "Are you ok with a drop by visit?", I told them "if you can overlook the mess you're more than welcome to come in." They of course laughed and came in. I'm SO very glad they did. We talked about M and how he's doing, talked about how our family is doing over all. Then, Brother F shared some stories of his days at BMT and, gave me two pieces of advice for Hubby. The first was "just get out there, do your very best, don't push yourself on the parts you're good, at just push on the hard parts." The second was "if he gets discharged follow the don't ask, don't tell policy for the rest of your life. When the people ask about your military career, just say I gave it my all as long as I was enlisted, now I'm here trying to use those skills to better this company and take care of my family. If they don't ask why you're discharged, don't tell them."
      I know they were prompted to come visit us and, I'm grateful that they followed that prompting. It has not been all sunshine since they left but, things certainly are brighter. The prayer they left with filled my heart with peace. It reminded me that all of this will be over soon either way and, that what ever happens will be for our good. Please pray for M and our family...

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