M is Home!!!

     Last Wednesday, the phone call finally came that M was on his way home!!! The boys and, I cleaned the whole house top to bottom. I then proceeded, to make sure I looked as awesome as possible before, we left to go to Devil's basketball game. As we're sitting at the b-ball game, I got a text from M "I missed the connecting flight and won't be home tonight. I'm really sorry." 

    Somehow, the plane from San Antonio to Phoenix had been just barely late enough that, M missed his connecting flight. It was TOTALLY the airports fault and, we were both really mad. He immediately booked a flight for first thing the next morning and, made it home at 10:20 am! It was SO great to see him!!!

Our first photo together at the airport

First time P saw Daddy in Four months

On our way to get some lunch

      M has been up at 6 am everyday since he's been home. He works out then, once the boys are up at 7:30 he makes them breakfast. The rest of the day has been filled with job and, house hunting. By about 7 pm he's ready to crash. I'm really SO impressed by his new sense of leadership and, determination.

Here are just a few souvenirs that he brought home with him.

Photos of him in his blues that we bought in anticipation for graduation

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His glasses which really look awesome on him!!

another photo he had of him in his camo!

    The boys and I are REALLY happy to have him home. I know that as long as he stays motivated we'll be back at BMT and successfully graduate! Let the PT begin!!! (muahahaha)

Ok I think I'm ready...

     A while ago, I wrote a about feeling like I was watching our hopes and, dreams of joining Airforce slip away. I can tell you tonight that dream is still very much alive but, that for time being it's going to be put on hold. M left for BMT March 7th. He was recycled Easter weekend, for failing to complete a PT test. They moved him to another flight and, he was doing great we both really thought he had it in the bag. Then, the Monday before he was set to graduate he failed the PT test again. This time, he was sent to the get fit flight he proceeded to work his butt off and, try to pass the PT test every Tuesday. Every week it was same thing, one failed PT test after another.
     This Tuesday, the conversation was different, ALOT different. We said our hellos as usual, I asked "How are you?" M said "I'm good, I'm coming home." After almost 4 months of BMT, M is finally coming home. He is not graduating, He will not be an Airman, We will not be military. Not right now at least.
     Here's where it gets interesting. I already knew M was coming home.Friday night (the 15th) at almost 1 am, I got a text from my awesome, wonderful, loving friend in Georgia . Her son had just gotten home from BMT as well. She said "My son "Chess" just said that he saw M with an orange armband on Thursday." After, much conversation with both Georgia and Chess; I came to the conclusion that "yes this was the truth M had finally failed BMT and, was coming home."
      I'm SO grateful that she called and told me. I know how much she hesitated but, truthfully I'm grateful that she was strong enough to tell me what I didn't want to hear. Not only to tell me but, to TRULY support me as I grieved. That is a TRUE friend. Because, I had known since Friday I was able to stand strong as my husband told me the bad news. I was able to be excited that we get to see him again.
      I have cried and I am crying as I write this. The emotions of failure are still very raw to both of us. However, we are VERY excited to see each other again. I also know that he is SUPER DUPER excited to see P & Q again. The only news better than the fact that we get to be together again is this.. are you ready I think you're gonna be surprised... in 6 months M can go back and, try BMT again. So Dear Flight Crew that is exactly what we're going to do!
      We are both going to exercise our hearts out and, get in shape. So extremely awesomely in shape that M will be able to pass the PT test on the very first day of BMT. That's right we're giving this our all and, we're going to make this dream a reality. I hope you'll stay with us for the ride. I know it just got a little more crazy but, I think it's going to be a GREAT journey. I'll keep you updated on our exercise progress and, then when M heads back to BMT, I will of course once again keep you posted. It's going to be fun and really hard all at the same time. Any of you exercise gurus out there send me your tips cause, we're gonna need the big guns.Are you ready for our new chapter? "Real PT Starts NOW!"

Another Week

     As you probably guessed, I talked to M this morning. He didn't pass but because, he was so sick last week they are giving him one more week to try. I'm so glad they're giving him another chance. I just know he can do this. We talked about a bunch of different things today finances, how P and Q are doing, plans for Q's birthday party (I haven't done it yet cause I wanted to see what would happen with M. Now we're just going to party either way lol.) beyond, that we didn't really talk about much. Hopefully next week will be the week. :)

On repeat

     I feel like somebody has pushed the repeat button on my life. M called today to tell me that he still hasn't passed his PT test. Somehow, he got sick (REALLY sick) and so he of course wasn't up to par for today's test. The thing that is scaring me is, He told me that next week is the last possible time for him to test. If, he doesn't pass next week, they will just send him home. I really hope that he gets better and passes this darn test. 
     I'm going to be honest today's phone call was not a good one. It was full of tears and frustration for both of us. So far, I had done really good at not letting him see just how upset I was about everything but, today I just couldn't hold it all together anymore. I talked about being scared of failing, told him how very badly I just want to be done with BMT so that we can start progressing again, and mainly I told him of just how lonely all of this is. I feel bad for not being able to be stronger but, after 13 weeks of being strong and hiding all of this from him; I felt he needed to know how I was really feeling.
     My wonderful husband listened, supported and reassured me that it would really all be ok and that he would for sure be able to do it next week. Then, he laughed saying "I wondered when my real wife was going to show up." He knows me so well. He knows that I'm not normally one to be so super positive and upbeat when things aren't going my way. Normally, he is the positive one always seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm the one complaining about how long the tunnel really is. For some reason the situation has been reversed the last three months. I love him SO much, I'm still 100% supportive of him. I KNOW he can do this, I just hope it is very soon. Please please PLEASE pray for M to pass his PT test our family really needs this miracle.

7 days and 2 letters

     M called this morning and although, he didn't pass the PT test today; he was only 4 situps away. Do you know what that means?! That next week is GRADUATION!(as long as he passes PT of course) I am SOOO very excited to finally, watch my husband become an Airman!! The rest of the phone call we just talked about the boys and, what they've been up to. We are both feeling happy. This week simply cannot go by fast enough
      I also received 2 letters in the mail today! It feels like Christmas lol. In his letters he talks about what life is like in the "Get Fit Flight". Basically, they work out all day everyday M said the motto is "Get Fit or Go Home!"  He also talks about having a love/hate relationship with exercise. He hates working out but, he loves that he is looking more in shape. In fact he says "I haven't looked this since high school."
      We have both learned to have  a greater appreciation for each other. He constantly refers to me as "the Best Mommy ever". (We all know what I'm really like hahahaha) In my letters to M I have expressed a similar sentiment. I'm so grateful, that he is making this sacrifice for our family. I'm VERY proud of him! I know next week is going to be awesome! As always I'll keep you posted as we continue on this journey. Hopefully very soon, we can switch gears into the Technicalities of Tech school!

Staring into darkness

(Fair warning this is a LONG post.)

      M called yesterday. He took another PT test and, didn't pass again. I could tell you all the possible reasons that we have for him not passing but, in the end it all comes down to one thing.... He still hasn't passed the test. I'm trying really hard to stay positive. I keep telling myself that God has a plan, and we just need to figure out what it is. I'm praying as are MANY others, that M will pass this test and, FINALLY graduate. I don't know what lies ahead but, I have faith that my Father in Heaven will guide me to where I'm supposed to be.
      I look around at this new life style that might be over before, we even have a chance to adapt to it.  The boys and I went on base yesterday to do some grocery shopping. The whole time I just kept thinking, this is supposed to be our life. It just fits us. Who knows maybe I'm just crazy and, all of those feelings are just me feeling like a proud American to be standing on a military base. Then, I come home and look at the photos of M in his uniform with his big goofy grin. He's SO happy, this new job has made him happier than any other job he's ever held. For the first time, I can pay bills, buy groceries and, still have extra money.
      I know that being military is not ideal. There are trainings, and deployments; all of which means LOTS of time apart. Yet, I still look at this life and say proudly, "YES this is what we want and this is where we belong." However, as the days continue to pass by without progress I'm starting to wonder if, the answer to my prayers is "No".  We have only a few more weeks until he's discharged for failure to be physically able to complete training. I feel like I'm staring into darkness.
      Thankfully, some light was shined into the darkness last night. At about 7:15 there was a knock at my door I figured it was just Grandma coming to chat. Instead, I opened the door to find my Bishop and, Brother F (his counselor) standing in my door way. (Brother F is retired military.) They asked "Are you ok with a drop by visit?", I told them "if you can overlook the mess you're more than welcome to come in." They of course laughed and came in. I'm SO very glad they did. We talked about M and how he's doing, talked about how our family is doing over all. Then, Brother F shared some stories of his days at BMT and, gave me two pieces of advice for Hubby. The first was "just get out there, do your very best, don't push yourself on the parts you're good, at just push on the hard parts." The second was "if he gets discharged follow the don't ask, don't tell policy for the rest of your life. When the people ask about your military career, just say I gave it my all as long as I was enlisted, now I'm here trying to use those skills to better this company and take care of my family. If they don't ask why you're discharged, don't tell them."
      I know they were prompted to come visit us and, I'm grateful that they followed that prompting. It has not been all sunshine since they left but, things certainly are brighter. The prayer they left with filled my heart with peace. It reminded me that all of this will be over soon either way and, that what ever happens will be for our good. Please pray for M and our family...

Just when I need it most

     A letter came today! I love that it seems to always come on the day when I need it the most. M writes about the weather and, how crazy it has been. One day it was 112 degrees he said, they were literally sweating through their ABU's (yucky). The next day it was a crazy lightening storm so bad, that they couldn't even be outside. After 10 weeks of BMT, he says he might even kinda miss it. Don't worry though, he is really pushing himself to get these situps done and graduate. He wrote, "I will see you at graduation even if I have to kill myself to do it." Sounds to me like M is really motivated to do this. On a side note Congratulations to all the AB's that became AIRMAN today; especially the guys in Flights 349 & 350!! Way to Go Airman!!!

Good Morning!!!

       I woke up at 7:30 this morning to my cell phone ringing it was M! He laughed saying "You aren't up yet?" Anyone who knows our boys knows, they are up as soon as the sun comes up. Today, I guess they chose to sleep in for some reason. I'm so glad they did; for at least 20 minutes it was like I had my Hubby right there next to me in bed talking about plans for the day and, joking together. He is still apologizing today for being sent to the "Get Fit flight". I just told him how much I love him and, that I'm proud of him for toughing all of this out.
      We talked about the boys. I told him about P's new dance moves. How Q has private conversations with his monkey. We also talked about the haircuts that both boys need and all the housework I need to do.
       M told me Happy Mothers Day "thanks for being such an awesome Mom while I'm gone". He talked about life in med hold. Lots of exercising and, on their down time they get to play board games or watch movies. (torture right)
       He has already made a new friend. However, I have to question his choice because I talked to this young man yesterday. Here's the story (sorry it's so long... you can stop reading if I bore you) I called and asked the BMT reception center for M's new address. Before hanging up the kid asked, "what's his name?" I told him. He then asked, "well what is he struggling with?" I replied "situps". This ab responded "alright I'll help him out." I told him, "That would be great I'm his wife I'd owe you big time." Then, I guess the AB and M met yesterday. Upon, meeting the kid said "Yeah, I talked to your mom today." Hubby just laughed and said "My mom is in Brazil, are you sure it wasn't my wife?" The kid responds "No I really think it was your mom." I'm grateful that he has a friend but clearly this new friend needs his ears cleaned. ;) Either way, I'm glad that M sounded much happier today. Hope your morning started out as great as mine.

Pause

     First of all I want to say HI to all of my new friends. The MilSpouse Blog Hop was SO awesome! If, you missed go look for the linky on Riding the Rollercoaster's blog. You'll meet some awesome friends and, I guarantee you won't regret it.
     Now, back to what I really want to talk about today. You may be wondering why I'm not jumping up and down screaming only 2 more days!!! The reason is this, M called Saturday (didn't blog cause I was WAY too upset) to inform me that although, he had done great on his written test he had failed the PT test. I'm not sure why my Hubby who is as skinny as a bean pole, can't seem to pass these darn PT tests but, it's really starting to worry me. He gets one more shot today to pass the physical test if, he doesn't pass then, they will recycle him (again). I'm hoping and praying he passes so that we can finally move on to Tech school. Today, I feel surprisingly calm. All weekend I have been upset as to whether he will pass or not. I think I have finally accepted that whatever the Lord wants I will be ok with.
     When talking with family or church friends I would say "God has a plan and I have a plan I just have to hope we have the same plan." Today I can finally say I am ok with God's plan whatever it happens to be. By the end of today, I will know where he wants our family to be. I know God lives and, that he loves me. I know that whatever his plan is it really will be for my good. I have faith in Him to guide this family where we are supposed to be.
     As I was writing this post M called. He has been recycled into a "Get Fit Flight". I'm not sure what this really means and I'm still working on gathering info. Don't worry this isn't the end. We'll conquer BMT eventually in the meantime just pray for Hubby that he will have the strength to do this. I'll keep all of you in the Blogosphere posted as I learn more.

Pictures!!!!

     I found another picture of M today! He's rocking the BCGs as he studies hard for tomorrow's final class room test. Keep going Hubby it's almost over. Only 6 more days!!

I cropped it a bit :D

Phone Call Day!!!

     That's right it's Sunday and that means a phone call! M sounds great! I love talking to him on Sundays after he has been to church because, it makes him sound so much more relaxed and ready to take on the week. We talked about what comfy clothes he wants me to bring him for tech school. His dad shirt, Mario shirt and of course his Mt. Dew clothes. Then, we talked about BEAST week! He said it was awful. His group did great but, still didn't get BEAST excellence. The rest of the call was filled with what the boys and, I have been up to like concussions  and such. We are both just glad that WOT-6 is over. Now, all he has to do is pass one more PT test, and a written exam. Then, we'll be on our way to graduation! :) Only 10 more days this week cannot end fast enough!!

** DON'T FORGET TO ENTER THE DRAWING !! ONLY 4 DAYS LEFT!**

Small things that mean so much

     A letter came in the mail today from my handsome Hubby! I don't know if he planned it this way but, I love that it came today of all the other possible days. For those of you who don't know M's old FLT group graduates today. So, the fact this letter showed up today and, that it says all the awesome loving things that it does REALLY means a lot to me. While, I am excited for all of those Airmen (Wahoo!!!) and their families. Part of me is sad because, we aren't there celebrating with them. Also, I don't get to meet all of my awesome friends who really helped me make it through this whole journey. (I'm sure I've got some friends who can relate. Love you ladies. Don't worry we'll be at graduation soon!) Congratulations Flights 317 & 318 We love you and wish you the best as you "cross into the blue"!! 
     With that said I won't be detailing this letter as much as I normally do. M wrote a lot about sacred thoughts and, moments that pass through his mind as a husband who is away from his family.  (Nothing dirty I promise and, yes he made me cry. Good tears of course.) I will share one thing though M writes "When I'm struggling at times I think of our family then, I overcome it and do better I love you C ." I'm so glad that we are what carries him through.
      He is getting very excited for graduation (as am I). He told me to get to the coin ceremony early; going so far as to detail where to sit in the bleachers :) He must have been really excited for BEAST week cause, he was packed and ready for it on Saturday; I know for a fact they didn't leave til Monday morning lol. Oh how I love that silly man. I'm so grateful for his letters and, calls that keep me motivated. Only a few more weeks till this is all over and, we can move on to tech school!

**DON'T FORGET TO ENTER THE DRAWING !!**

SLAY THE BEAST!!!

      Just finished a 15 minute phone call with M! He sounded so excited today.  We talked about a few minor things like parts of letters that didn't make sense.We also talked about potential bases for after tech school. M also informed me that I'm in charge of our first Town pass day (time off of base). So if anybody has fun ideas of what to do in Texas for 7 hours please let me know.
      Ready for some big news? M has glasses. Yes you saw that right I said glasses as in two pairs. One pair is lovingly know as BCG's (Birth Control Glasses) and the other is a civilian pair (normal looking). It will be very interesting to see Him in a few weeks because I've never really seen him with glasses. I'm sure he's still handsome though :) He is all packed and ready to head to BEAST week tomorrow morning. He must have a really awesome MTI cause they even gave the group tips on how to pack everything in their duffel bags.  I just know they are going to do great! Go M! SLAY THE BEAST!!!

** DON'T FORGET TO SIGNUP FOR THE DRAWING!!**

3 Pages!!!

      We received 3 LONG pages from M today!!! He sounds like he is doing awesome! He is REALLY happy that I changed my name. M and his FLT totally rocked the obstacle course. He said the gas chamber was worse the second time. M has really grown to love Sundays and time at church. "I get to relax and think about all the blessings I have and all that is in store for us" I'm so glad that he is growing both in strength and spirit as he is at BMT. (I'm going to get one heck of a man out of this)
      He is doing alot better at drill. M says lots of guys look to him for guidance out on the pad (where they practice). He is up to 32 sit ups (as of the 17th) and only needs to be able to do 42. So, he is doing awesome at PT. (Thank goodness) M is really missing the boys though " Give the boys my love, let them know that Daddy wishes he could read them stories and hug them goodnight" hopefully the pictures I sent will help. Also I found out he was on KP duty (kitchen) last Sunday that's why he didn't call. Funny thing is all of the chores he hates doing at home he has been assigned to at BMT. Maybe it will pay off somehow. He is VERY excited for BEAST week which starts on Monday! :) 

We love you M! GO SLAY THE BEAST!!!

Q and P rockin their new shirts

** PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO ENTER THE DRAWING!!**

I can breathe again!

     I finally, got a wonderful 20 minute call from M today! I seriously haven't stopped smiling. He passed his PT test (which we were both worried about) and, has moved on to. I can't believe that we're literally on the last few weeks of BMT. He is excited to start picking our choices for the first base assignment. Surprisingly, enough he wants to stay close to home. I however, (nothing personal) am totally ready to get out of this state and start seeing the rest of the country.
     Also, M mentioned that he has another letter ready to mail (means another blog post soon). He loved the pictures of the boys. Really, beyond that we didn't talk about much. It was SO very good to hear his voice and, to know that everything is moving ahead as planned. We did talk about one funny thing (well I guess it depends on who you ask) he fell out of bed last night. Now, of course he hurts every time he has to run or go up and down stairs. We both were laughing about it though, so I'm sure he'll be fine. Plus, it's like he said there's really only two weeks left no point of going to med hold now. I'm just glad he sounded so positive! Only a few weeks left now!!

Graduation T-shirts

I finished our shirts and I think they look AWESOME! Mine is almost exactly like the boys except it says My Husband instead. :D  Let me know what you think....

Letter but no call

    Yesterday, I waited patiently (by about 6pm very anxiously) for a phone call from M. He never called :(. I'm trying to stay positive and remember that "no news is good news". It is very hard however, I'm not the only one who didn't receive a call. A few other women said "because calls were so long the weekend before, we might not get a phone call this week." Hopefully, this is the case but, that doesn't stop me from staring at the phone and praying his name shows up on the caller id. 

    On a happy note I got a wonderful letter in the mail today! He sounds really positive. He mentions that they finally got to watch General Conference which, he of course loved. M is starting to sound really excited for my trip to Texas cause he asked alot of questions about it. This past week he helped take a guy to the infirmary, they had another road run, and he continues to work hard on improving his sit ups. Hubby also says thanks for all the letters they're helping him make it through the weeks. 

    Oddly, enough he ends his letter this week with his catch phrase "Just let it happen". Somehow from a billion miles away he still manages to sneak in that phrase on the one day I don't want to hear it :) I guess some things will never change. Perhaps, I should learn how to follow his advice until, then I'll continue to wait by the phone. 

Don't forget to enter the drawing while you're here :) :) I hope you win!!!

The Irony of Life

Last night I on facebook to discover one of my new favorite things:

My Hubby as a Soldier!!

He is of course the one wearing the BRIGHT GREEN vest. :)

There he is again right up front (next time somebody tell him to smile)

Ready to shoot something

We are SO very excited for these glimpses into BMT. P and I can't seem to stop looking at them. I am also thankful that our boys finally have a way to reference and understand some of what Daddy is working so hard for everyday.
Ironically enough last night just before I found these new handsome pictures I had been printing some of our pictures to send to M. Now we both have pictures (or at least he will once the mail arrives). Hope you're having a great day. It may be rainy outside but our home is certainly happy today!

New Friends

     Before, M left for BMT people would say things like "oh he's going to have so many new best friends" and I would smile while quietly thinking "yeah but, what about me"? Then, I found a WONDERFUL group called AF Wingmom's on facebook. They have set up discussion groups for each different flight group. If you're new to the Air Force and your loved one is at BMT please please PLEASE go join Wingmom's and your discussion group. You won't regret it. This chat group has become my connection to M and all things BMT. We laugh together, we cry together, we share phone calls and letters, but most importantly we support each other. I have made a few really great connections.
    This is another reason I was so upset that M got recycled is because, I knew I would have to leave my friends. Like I mentioned before though, he was not the only one that got recycled. Somehow I got really SUPER lucky and one of my new best friend's son also got recycled. AB Chess (No that is not his real name) got recycled too. I feel really bad that it happened to them. I cried for her too that day however, I am so EXTREMELY grateful that this woman gets to stay by my side through all of this. Yesterday, we were messaging back and forth on facebook like usual, when she said here's my number call anytime. I thought well "Hey I'm gonna call you right now."
    When she answered I heard the cutest thickest accent I have ever heard. If I didn't already loved her to death now, I really did. We talked back and forth sharing stories about our AB's and, how both men felt about these changes. Really, though we just tried to lift each others spirits about this whole process.  I can say without a shadow of a doubt we were recycled together for a reason. Part of that reason is so she and I would become friends. I'm sure she and I  will talk many more times before graduation. I hope that after graduation we'll continue to talk and share our experiences. I am grateful for my new friend and, can't wait til graduation to meet her in person. I can't wait to hug her and, tell her just how much she has meant to me along this journey. She is my "wingman" for sure.

Now you know

Dear Crew
     A, B, C, D, E, F G, Now you know more about our family... (did you sing it with me?) We have made it through all 26 letters! (Some were probably a little more informative than others.) What was your favorite letter? Now that we're all done, we're back to normal posts about holidays, fun times together, and of course experiences along our journey as a military family. Is there more you wish you knew about us? (do you wish you knew less?)  For now, the only definite series of posts I have planned is the Basics of Basic but, I'm sure before long I'll have another series for the days when nothing of importance happens.
Sincerely
Ground Control
P.S. Be sure to join me on May 11th when I participate in my first ever Milspouse Blog Hop thanks to Riding the Roller Coaster it's going to be awesome.